As we age, communicating with others poses challenges at times. Here are some points you can ponder, perhaps even use to retaliate:
“We are without an iota of doubt at the crossroads at this point in time . . . Let me caution you about these perilous times, times that could truly try men’s souls . . . We must put our shoulders to the wheel . . . The die is cast.”
These were among the phrases I uttered, complete with gestures and vocal variety, at a Toastmasters contest several years ago. Three members from area clubs evaluated my seven-minute presentation, called “The Time-honored Refrain,” and all three of them agreed that the talk was a bit vague and they had trouble detecting the purpose. None of them said a thing about all the cliches, the bombast, the nonsense. They didn’t recognize it as a put-on.
Which shows I’m a failure at parody or suggests that people are distressingly used to hearing people—especially politicians—talk without saying anything.
My favorite sentence of the talk went like this: “Also deserving of our accolades are the elected representatives who stood firm for the time-honored principles that guided not only our founding fathers, lo those many years ago, but also our notable and noble servants of the people who subsequently toiled so faithfully in the vineyards and built the foundations for this great land which were set in concrete by concepts rooted in bed rock and blossoming with creativity.”
Talking in platitudes is not the same as double talk, which I consider an art form. I happened to know one of the artists while living in Decatur, Illinois, for three years.
Joe Rademacher sold office equipment in his store there. I met him after joining Toastmasters. The first time I heard him talk, he started sounding off about the actions of the city council, summing up what the local newspaper had already reported. I was working on my second cup of coffee, when he said something like, “If the council insists on gromuntative reactions to every business flegion, then Decatur will find itself in much the same situation as the pluvindir.”
The coffee nearly spewed forth and the laughter around me indicated the club members appreciated this take on local officials and other matters. He gave us about five minutes of this sort of patter, then sat down to hearty applause.
If you’d like to surprise folks at your next senior center or club meeting, here are some word parts, courtesy of H. Allen Smith’s book, “The Compleat Practical Joker”:
istan antive ative ently incan apid avid istesse ome namic erot irgan uctor ontor islong ackid eton asis izans
Once you learn these, just add a letter or short syllable prefix and you can enjoy a new vocabulary that either should make you a hit or reveal which people pay absolutely no attention to you.
Intermix the double-talk words with hardy prepostions, articles and adverbs, Smith advises. For example: “Napid day, isn’t it? There’s quite a ristan in the surmentate, don’t you think? It was brackid this morning. Do you think the flavid days are here?”
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