Dear Reader:
Because chain letters offer unachievable expectations, please regard this as a link letter, which is not to be confused with the retired TV star, Art Linkedletter.
It was started by a citizen upset by Medicare fraud while experiencing problems with the health care system harpaxophobia—a fear of being robbed.
There is slight expense for taking part in the links this letter offers and it is absolutely legal perTitle 13, Section 1302 (b). Simply send one senior 65 years of age or older, in good to excellent health, to each of the five people whose names are shown below. (Please do not send one senior to all five people.) Mail them first class, then remove the name in the No. 1 spot and add your name and address at the bottom. (Note: You may send one proxy—but no more than one—between the ages of 55 and 65 in the event you find only four healthy elders.)
Within 14 to 20 weeks, when your name appears at the top of the list, you will receive approximately 16,740 seniors. If someone errs and sends you a sick senior, put a “Refused” stamp on his or her forehead and promptly return.
At this point you will form a company and establish a health maintenance organization, or HMO, and sign up the seniors. The federal government will then begin paying you approximately $400 per month per senior for their Medicare payments.
Of the $80,352,000 per year you receive for your seniors, you will spend about $20 million for their various ailments. For suggestions on what to do with the rest of the funds, contact this Examiner and for a nominal 12 percent we will provide you with ideas guaranteed to please.
Do not break this link. A man in Milpitas did so and he received 3,579 aluminum siding salespeople, 1,488 Amway distributors and Rush Limbaugh.
Send your seniors to these individuals:
1. Ava Rice, 978 Pinknam St.,Wartburg, TN 37887
2. I. G. Reedy, 1302 Flout Rd., Swink, CO 81077
3. Sal Fish, 830 Blinker Ave., Grubville, MO 63041
4. V. Oracious, 95 Higgeldy St., Germfask, MI 49836
5. Mercy Nary, 1494 Nth Ave., Igo, CA 96047
Here are some case histories of people who have benefited from the link letter:
Malcolm Sharpe—“I was flat-as-a-bug-on-the-windshield-of-a-speeding-car broke when I received a copy of this letter. Usually I deep-six letters that sound too good to be true, but I have a soft spot in my heart for seniors, because someday I intend to be one. During the twelfth week my first seniors began arriving and by the end of the 19th week, 15,326 showed up.
“Whereas I was experiencing problems supporting both the government and my family, I now am the owner of a new yacht, a new Lexus and a new condominium complex. My neighbors love me because I farmed out my seniors in the community; they did chores and baby sitting in exchange for their board and room until I incorporated.”
Viola Turnbright—“I must have read and thrown away two dozen proposals like this, but this link letter clutched the tentacles of my heart, because it is my goal to leave this world a better place than the mess I found it in. After my seniors began arriving, I welcomed them with open arms. By the 15th week and the 14,389th senior, my arms were tired, let me tell you.
“We had such fun getting acquainted. The local food bank was a bit hard pressed at first, but things worked out well since nearly 100 percent of the seniors wanted to lose weight anyway."
Rufus Hollisteergle—“The first seniors arrived after 15 weeks and at first it was a bit awkward, but my cousin Jethroe, a tour guide at Alcatraz, worked out a satisfactory place for them. I’ve been offered $76 million for my HMO, but I’m in this for the big haul. I provide benefits such as wine country tours and attendance at View of the Bay. Right now I have three tax lawyers looking at ways I can keep more of the $14.7 million net that’s come in this year.”
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