“I know a fellow who says, ‘I’ve come to terms with death—other people’s.’” Thomas Grimm, a therapist, mentions this in his opening remarks during a workshop.
As a former clergyman, he describes death as life’s biggest adventure. “You need to think about it and plan for it. Nothing can be changed until it’s faced,” Grimm says.
No one attempts a joke about his subject matter and his last name, but humor abounds anyway amid older adults who appear willing to talk about a topic that’s often taboo.
A first step should be reconciliation, Grimm says. One of his patients reached it via a dream of photographing key people in his life. This paved the way for a discussion with Grimm about a sister with whom he’d had a falling out after the death of their father. “Write her a letter and express your feelings,” Grimm advised the man. “You don’t have to mail it.”
But the patient, a school teacher, felt so much better after writing a first draft that he sent a second version, then was thrilled by the phone call she made after reading it. The next night he tripped and fell at home and went to the hospital in a coma from which he never recovered.
“So make amends and take care of any unfinished business,” says Grimm. Think of affirmations about your life, a collection of your accomplishments, he recommends. Yes, you were taught that bragging is unseemly, but it’s healthy to find some things you’ve done that you feel positive about.
Mary says she feels good about how her 12 children turned out. Another plus: Because of her efforts, eleven of them reestablished relationships with their father after he initiated a divorce. Adeline could give herself a pat on the back for enriching the final years of an aunt and uncle with her presence and caring.
One woman tells how her husband described to the undertaker the funeral suit he’d chosen and even the handkerchief for his breast pocket, then she added, “Two weeks later he died.” After a long pause, the woman next to her says, “The moral is, don’t talk to the undertaker.”
It’s a big help to relatives and friends if you prepare for the last chapter. There’s the will and the trust. You should inform people where you keep the instructions about being buried or cremated, organ donations, the recipe for that prize-winning fudge. Describe the memorial service you want and who will officiate.
Grimm once asked mourners to jot down their remembrances of a man whose service he was conducting. The widow read them in what proved to be a poignant, often joyful part of the service.
Finally, you can create your own epitaph. It’s going to tough, though, to top these:
“This is all over my head”—Robert Benchley
“Involved in a plot”—Dorothy Parker (She also had suggested, “Excuse my dust.”)
“Over my dead body”—George S. Kaufman
“This one’s on me”—Milton Berle
“Here’s something I want to get off my chest”—William Haines
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Posted by: Masters Dissertation | 12/01/2009 at 08:36 AM