(Ted’s take)
Dr. Nancy Snyderman was talking to a surgeon from Germany and he said, “You Americans are the only people who think dying is an option.”
She cites this perceptive gem while deploring our reluctance to talk about difficult subjects like death and dying. Her grandmother, for example, often would say things like,“If I die, I want you to have the picture over the mantel place.”
She also said, “If I die, I don’t want to will my body for research. I’ve worked hard enough living; I don’t want to keep working when I’m dead.
Dr. Snyderman, a long-time regular on “Good Morning America,” offers one theory why we put off crucial discussions. “We love crisis management. It gives us stuff to do and makes us the focus of attention.”
Then she adds: “It’s the dumbest approach to living you can have.”
Her mother chose a Christmas holiday to try something different. Dr. Snyderman and her sister and brother learned that their parents’ beautiful antique furniture was up for grabs. The trio received different colored Post-its with instructions to place one on each piece they wanted after their parents died.
Dr. Snyderman, a bit nonplused, nonetheless showered the place with Post-its. Her siblings, though, couldn’t cope with this “ghoulish” task. A few years later, when the parents moved to a smaller place, Dr. Snyderman became the owner of all the furniture.
“My mother made me promise to share it with the others, if they really wanted it,” she says.
If your family history reveals a recurring disease, you need to head it off at the pass with annual check-ups and tests. For Dr. Snyderman, the threat is colon cancer, which claimed her grandfather and required an operation for her father. “I time the screenings around my birthday so I won’t forget,” she says.
Enlist your doctor in discussions about your own death and dying, even though “Doctors are terrible about inviting this discussion,” she says. You spell out the type of treatment desired, where it should be given, and the quality of life objectives in the event of a deadly illness or accident.
“You and the doctor need a good relationship, one of mutual respect and communication,” she says. He or she also should have a copy of your durable power of attorney.
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